marriage

Marriage. A contract or covenant?

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I have heard that the divorce rate is around 50%. We probably all know someone that has had at least one divorce. So much so, that it is quite common to hear that a couple ‘didn’t last’. We hear of couples 50 plus years ago, having marriages that lasted a long time. In today’s time we hear of marriages lasting only a few years. One could assume that the change is because of women’s rights or because women were deemed lower status and therefore could not just leave their husbands. However, I would argue that the change is because the value that society has placed upon marriage in the last half of the 20th century. So, what is a marriage. Let’s go to the beginning. In genesis, there is the creation outline. God made man, and then God made woman from man and for man. Then we are told “Therefore a man leaves his father and his mother and clings to his wife, and they become one flesh” (Gen.24 RSVSCE).  So, we have man and woman together as one flesh. This is the marriage from the beginning. In time, humans have deviated and have started to divorce one another for whatever reasons. In the Gospels, the Pharisees questioned Jesus about marriage and divorce. 

“And Pharisees came up to him and tested him by asking, ‘Is it lawful to divorce one’s wife for any cause?’He answered, ‘Have you not read that he who made them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one’? So they are no longer two but one. What therefore God has joined together, let no man put asunder” (Matt.19:3-6 RSVSCE).

Jesus made it clear that a marriage is an inseparable union. So how did we get to where we are today? I believe it is a mix of moral corruption in society and an influx of the nonreligious steering away from religion. I personally believe that King Henry VIII flight from Catholicism and into Protestantism as the Head of the Church of England over his divorce was the start of decadence. This decadence has progressed into America. Today’s consensus is that marriage is just a piece of paper. A contract, if you will that can be dissolved as simple as going down to the courthouse and filling out paperwork. It probably does not help that most of the Christianity in America is protestant which has a loose idea of marriage. There are also more people leaning toward nonreligious more every day. The idea of the hookup culture in today’s movies, and media also plays a role in the degradation of the concept of marriage. We, as a society, especially Christians, have to get back to the true concept of marriage. Whether you’re a Catholic or one of the Protestant denominations, we must get back to the true concept of marriage. Two people, male and female, giving their free consent in love to form one union sealed by God himself that can never be broken by man.

Marriage Problems? What to do?

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What happens when someone in a marriage breaks their vows? You probably have had this either happen to you, done it yourself or know someone who has. I have heard a few years ago that the divorce rate was around 50 percent. If one looks around at society today, the solution is divorce. One often hears ‘oh he cheated on you, divorce him, you deserve better’. It seems that people are willing to throw away a person rather than fix the issues. It also seems that people are marrying with the intentions that the spouse has to be perfect, or that they go into the marriage with the thought ‘If they do x, I am gone’. People place special requirements upon their marriage. The issue with that is that is not unconditional love. We have to love our spouses unconditionally. What does this love look like? In the bible, Jesus tells us “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; even as I have loved you, that you also love one another” (John 13:34 RSVSCE). We know that Jesus loves us unconditionally. St. Paul in his letter to the Ephesians goes into further details for married couples.

“Wives, be subject to your husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the Church, his body, and is himself its Savior. As the Church is subject to Christ, so let wives also be subject in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the Church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word,that he might present the Church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. Even so husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself” (Eph.5:22-28 RSVSCE).

This is the type of love that should be displayed. As married people, we should love our spouses the same way God loves us: without any conditions placed upon one another. As humans, we all sin. Even the greatest saints have sinned. Despite our sins, God still love us. When we lay down our sins at the feet of God, he forgives us. So too when we screw up in marriage, we need to forgive and love each other. We need to work on the issues as a couple. 

With all that said, I think the biggest issue is that people have misconstrued what a marriage actually is. In my next post, I will talk about marriage. I will talk about what it is, where it comes from and modern misconceptions that nonreligious society has placed upon it.